My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I still have a little drunk in my system
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
