your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She told me I should be a condom model.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
