Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
