Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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