Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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