Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
