I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
