Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
