It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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