I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
