so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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