this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
