if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
