i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
