Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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