Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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