As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize