the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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