He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
