This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
