so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
