You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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