My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
