I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
