she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize