If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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