I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
