The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
