I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
