I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
