i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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