Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
