I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
