And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
