Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
