Soap is not a condiment
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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