he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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