Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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