um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize