I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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