Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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