I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
