He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
