It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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