Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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