Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
