So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
