I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize