Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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