Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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