It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
