Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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