dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
