He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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