Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
