evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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