his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
