At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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