My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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