the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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