You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
