just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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