someone owes me an orgasm
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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