its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
