He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
