You really coming over, don't trick.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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