You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
