Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
