I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
