So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
