hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
FUCK WHALES
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
