cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
