Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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