I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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