proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
